“[I]f we have the tools to understand, empathize, listen to and connect with our partners within and outside of conflict, we can have the fulfilling relationships that we were meant to have,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Robyn D’Angelo.
We know that couple’s counseling is a process that helps us in assessing our marital differences. As much as married couples are concerned, they allow a third party or professional help to assist them because they wanted to understand how to find resolutions on their failing marriage. Is counseling a great way to determine solutions in patching things between married couples – or does it?
What Does Counseling Therapy Do?
“We often think of marital therapy as a last resort. We assume that only couples with “serious” issues should seek it. We assume that only couples in dire straits can benefit. But all couples can enhance their relationship by learning the skills taught in couples therapy,” according to Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Counseling was built on the idea of saving a marriage. However, it seems that our society is using marriage counseling as another way to quickly get out of marital commitment. Instead of ironing out the couple’s differences, it seems to become a place where they tend to open up about their several issues and lobby for divorce. In fact, the procedure is quite the same. Both husband and wife are open to the holistic idea that their happiness is attainable with the help of a counselor, but pretty much end up calling it quits.
Though not all holistic counseling therapy is terrible for a relationship, it is still becoming unconventional. Depending on the type of issues and the level of marital concern, couples who decide to ask for help somehow intentionally want to justify their reasons for letting go. In some cases, it is not helpful especially for those married couples who consider the therapy as their last resort.
The Complications Of Getting A Marriage Counseling
There is a problem with conventional counseling because there will always be a side that is leaning towards divorce. One of the couples may insist on trying to fix the marriage, but one of them is looking for valid ways to end it. From there, each session becomes stressful and frustrating to both of the couples as well as the therapist. In some cases, the pair will take counseling but will not consider amendments at all. In the end, it will become a valid argument that both of the married couples need a divorce claiming that marriage therapy didn’t work. With that circumstance, the unwillingness to resolve marital issue becomes a substantial ground for separation.
The Process Affects All
Sometimes the couples give the therapist a breaking point where they’ll see the process as unworthy of their time. The therapist will be put to pressure to conclude that the failing marriage should end because he or she will no longer be able to seek for reasons to hold the two together. It will somehow lessen the value of the therapy session because couples don’t show the effort of cooperating.
Marriage counseling is still an excellent choice for solving marital issues, but that’s if (and if) both parties are willing to address their differences. According to marriage counselor Gary Chapman, each of us “speaks a different “love language,” of which there are five: words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; and physical touch.” Therapies don’t support breakups and separations for they value relationships as well as the couples’ psychological, emotional, and behavioral aspects. But like most experts and professionals would say, divorce should have to be an option and not a goal. However, if their overall health is at stake, then they need to get out from the toxic marriage, find their happiness and get healthy and holistic well-being.