I could genuinely relate to the primary topic at the 2017 Health Symposium: what excessive overtime work does to you. Similar to millions of workers out there, I once thought that I was invincible, that I could cover 1.5 shifts for almost every day of the week. However, my body proved me wrong when my colleagues found me in the hallway, unconscious. The doctor diagnosed me with fatigue and made me get an entire month of rest.
My health returned to normal soon enough, but I did not try working too much for too long again. Besides a weak immune system, I realized the following:
It Stresses You Out
Doing overtime work is very noble but also extremely stressful. Imagine, after eight or nine hours of working full-time, you need to extend it for two to three hours more. It may seem doable in the beginning, but after some time, it is as if you can no longer keep up with the activities that you have decided on for yourself.
It Leaves You Too Tired For Your Family
When you always work for more hours than the boss expects from you, all you get to do at home is sleep. There may not even be time to eat because the exhaustion makes you pass out in bed. Because of that, it may be impossible for you to have a healthy conversation with your spouse, parents, or kids.
It Turns You Into An Angry Monster
The worst consequence of working overtime too much is that you turn into a snappy creature slowly but surely. Gone will be your patient self; it’s replaced by an angry monster who yells at anyone who doesn’t get your orders the first time.
Do you see these characteristics in yourself or your loved one? If you do, then you should probably start apologizing to the people around you. After that, you need to find a way to avoid overtime work. That’s the only way for you to have a peaceful life.
“[I]f we have the tools to understand, empathize, listen to and connect with our partners within and outside of conflict, we can have the fulfilling relationships that we were meant to have,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Robyn D’Angelo.
We know that couple’s counseling is a process that helps us in assessing our marital differences. As much as married couples are concerned, they allow a third party or professional help to assist them because they wanted to understand how to find resolutions on their failing marriage. Is counseling a great way to determine solutions in patching things between married couples – or does it?
What Does Counseling Therapy Do?
“We often think of marital therapy as a last resort. We assume that only couples with “serious” issues should seek it. We assume that only couples in dire straits can benefit. But all couples can enhance their relationship by learning the skills taught in couples therapy,” according to Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Counseling was built on the idea of saving a marriage. However, it seems that our society is using marriage counseling as another way to quickly get out of marital commitment. Instead of ironing out the couple’s differences, it seems to become a place where they tend to open up about their several issues and lobby for divorce. In fact, the procedure is quite the same. Both husband and wife are open to the holistic idea that their happiness is attainable with the help of a counselor, but pretty much end up calling it quits.
Though not all holistic counseling therapy is terrible for a relationship, it is still becoming unconventional. Depending on the type of issues and the level of marital concern, couples who decide to ask for help somehow intentionally want to justify their reasons for letting go. In some cases, it is not helpful especially for those married couples who consider the therapy as their last resort.
The Complications Of Getting A Marriage Counseling
There is a problem with conventional counseling because there will always be a side that is leaning towards divorce. One of the couples may insist on trying to fix the marriage, but one of them is looking for valid ways to end it. From there, each session becomes stressful and frustrating to both of the couples as well as the therapist. In some cases, the pair will take counseling but will not consider amendments at all. In the end, it will become a valid argument that both of the married couples need a divorce claiming that marriage therapy didn’t work. With that circumstance, the unwillingness to resolve marital issue becomes a substantial ground for separation.
The Process Affects All
Sometimes the couples give the therapist a breaking point where they’ll see the process as unworthy of their time. The therapist will be put to pressure to conclude that the failing marriage should end because he or she will no longer be able to seek for reasons to hold the two together. It will somehow lessen the value of the therapy session because couples don’t show the effort of cooperating.
Marriage counseling is still an excellent choice for solving marital issues, but that’s if (and if) both parties are willing to address their differences. According to marriage counselor Gary Chapman, each of us “speaks a different “love language,” of which there are five: words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; and physical touch.”Therapies don’t support breakups and separations for they value relationships as well as the couples’ psychological, emotional, and behavioral aspects. But like most experts and professionals would say, divorce should have to be an option and not a goal. However, if their overall health is at stake, then they need to get out from the toxic marriage, find their happiness and get healthy and holistic well-being.
“As individuals, we benefit greatly from learning skills to manage our emotions, cope with our inner critics and become assertive. The same is true for couples: Our romantic relationships also benefit greatly when we take the time to learn and practice the skills that cultivate connection,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. But we shouldn’t overdo this connection.
There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your relationship, mainly if you wanted to stay away from a toxic situation. It is crucial to exert an effort for your spouse or significant other as long as you know that you are happy and don’t feel pressure at all. But sometimes, you have to keep it as low key as possible because overdoing things in a relationship might cause an imbalance.
Consistent Checking – It’s normal to know your partner’s activities and interest, but continuously asking him about the same thing over and over again can start a complication. It’s not healthy in a relationship because when he gets annoyed, he might consider lying about the things that you frequently ask him such as the people he tries to connect with and priorities that he needs to do. You can let him be once in a while, so he won’t feel that he’s been choked to stay in a relationship where trust is becoming an issue.
Remember that, “You are not your relationship. Just because your relationship is in trouble, it does not mean you are a failure. Your relationship is an entity that involves you, but it is not you, and it does not determine your worth,” says Harriet Pappenheim, LCSW.
Keeping Him On Radar – keeping him on your radar will do no good. He might feel pressured that you keep on asking for his whereabouts. Though it is understandable that you have the right to know the details on his every location, it will still not strengthen the bond of your relationship because you are blocking him to do the things that he likes to do. He will feel that his freedom is on the line and eventually end up losing interest in the relationship.
Apologizing Too Much – Yes, it’s important to mend things between the two of you especially when something needs fixing. However, overdoing an apology is not going to work when you keep on making the same mistakes over again. You should consider working on the proper adjustments and not just apologize for the act. You have to make a stand at least and do necessary actions concerning your behavior.
Clinging All The Time – There’s no problem in showing affection when you are in a relationship. However, there’s always a limitation in doing an act. Clinging is a way of telling your spouse or partner that you are genuinely and emotionally attached to them, but frequently clinging unto him is irritating. He might lose interest in spending time with you because it will not serve its purpose anymore. His priorities can get affected because he’ll feel obliged to be around you all the time instead of working on things that require much of his time.
Creating A Drama – It’s probably one of the things that your significant other would want to avoid. No one likes to deal with tons of dramas in a relationship. As much as possible, things should have their level of importance to both of you so you can work out your own set of priorities. Too much crying, complaining, and demanding will eventually lead to a toxic and hurtful relationship.
“Perhaps blowups between you and your partner are occurring more regularly. Or ongoing sticky issues and irritations are causing increased tension and resentment. If you have had little success working through relationship issues, find yourselves avoiding each other, or using hostile words or actions that cause emotional or physical hurt, professional counseling may help,” a reminder from Jane Framingham, Ph.D.
When you think about the important things that truly matter in your relationship, you can easily avoid these damaging habits. Try to focus on the holistic approach, and you’ll love how you mental, physical, and emotional balance are developing.
Once in our life, we tend to experience an emotional course of breakup in one of our relationships. Men and women handle pain in different ways. According toSuzanne Degges-White Ph.D., a licensed counselor, “Break-ups can definitely qualify as traumatic events and telling and re-telling the break-up story is a relatively normal reaction if it was traumatic for you.” However, both still end up undergoing vital processes of recovery such as crying, alcohol drinking, watching relatable movies, isolating, and the list goes on. They think those things will help them attain a better emotional situation, but does it?
The Effects Of Breakup
Though it is possible to love someone more than they love you, there will always be the aftermath. An abandonment rage can happen due to an excessive amount of grief, loss of control, and fear of being left alone. It’s a strong feeling that pulls you into devastation that will eventually make you lose your senses and become vulnerable to several mental and psychological imbalances. In most cases, your overall performance gets affected as well as your behavior. It’s pretty much common that you feel depressed after heartbreak, but it shouldn’t have to be the center of your life. “While upsetting, these feelings usually start to lessen with time as you recover from the breakup,” said psychosocial rehabilitation specialist,Kendra Cherry, MS.
The Use Of Holistic Approach
A holistic approach to the process of healing from a breakup will depend on your ability to react to reality. The thing that can somehow control the pain is your positivity to see the different sides of the scenario. Your holistic recovery will come from your response to what’s going on around you. Your ability to strengthen your weaknesses can eventually make you grow, especially when your heartache is at its peak. You need to understand that the only way to help you is by letting yourself grow. You need to learn to empower yourself and transform the negative experiences into something beneficial for your well-being.
The Benefits Of Positivity From Negativity
Your attitude towards all the negative things that happen in your life will become the basis of your emotional struggle. So to be able to avoid those instances, you need to focus on the positive things that can help you attain a better perspective. “Learn how to express concerns constructively,” saidSusan Heitler Ph.D. clinical psychologist. You can cry, lock yourself in your room, binge drink, or isolate yourself from people, but it won’t change the fact that your emotional state is at risk. When you try to acknowledge the fact that you are not that strong enough to handle the pain, you’ll eventually start to appreciate even the smallest thing that supports your effort. You’ll soon realize that you gradually feel the need for assistance, which is good in some ways because you’ll be able to identify the kind of emotional help you need. From there, you’ll have a better chance of fixing yourself. Accepting that you are weak will make you understand that there’s something within you that transforms you to become a better version of yourself.
A relationship involves a lot of things that you may or may not understand at some point. There are tons of complications that you know you can expect from committing. However, it shouldn’t have to become a reason for you to stop loving. All you have to do is always look at things on the brighter side.
Suffering from severe stress due to the process of undergoing a divorce can increase the risk of having health problems. The significant changes in your life are sometimes unmanageable that you might end up experiencing mental, physical, and emotional health issues.
The process of divorce can make you feel alone, lonely, depressed, desperate, and hopeless. All the negative things come to you and sometimes stick for a very long period. In trying to understand what you need to do to overcome and fight the stress from your failed marriage, you have to determine the factors that affect your overall dysfunction. It’s an excellent opportunity to envision a resolution and get a holistic counseling approach that can support your developmental growth. As what marriage therapistChana Levitan writes, “Accept and allow.”
Denial can take place when you disregard your marital issues. It’s like trying to convince yourself that you are not affected throughout the process, but in reality, it weakens you. In most cases, you try to tell yourself that things will change and eventually will get better. But the sad part is, the effect of divorce can bring too many complications on the emotional status. You’ll end up having a long-term struggle in dealing with grief from a failed relationship. You need to understand that the only thing that can save you from the devastation is to wholeheartedly accept that your marriage is over and you have to move on and start a new life without your ex-partner.
In dealing with the process of divorce, your personality changes as well. You develop intense anger that would sometimes hurt yourself. You will eventually do things that are out of your character and sometimes end up in dangerous instances that you know you’re not supposed to get into. “You get angry when you want an apology, when you want someone to change their behavior, etc.,” said psychologistMarianna Pogosyan Ph.D. Your anger is the culprit in blocking your happiness. So before you genuinely make a clear view of what you want in life after the sad experience of divorce, you need to forgive yourself and learn to lower down the aggravation. If you intentionally use anger as a coping mechanism to fight over the stress of your failed relationship, the only thing you can get is pain and suffering.
There’ll be a time that you will consider bargaining to be able to save your marriage. Even if it costs you your happiness, you’ll probably think that it won’t matter as long as you try to keep your marital state for the sake of your long-term commitment. The truth is, the act of bargaining for your happiness will not help you at all. It will only lock you in a situation that you can no longer get out from. Keeping the idea of marriage through bargaining is not a winning situation but a prison of miseries and heartaches. You need to stand up for better decisions that will give you the ultimate goal of freeing yourself from the harsh truth of a failed relationship.
A divorce is a process that attracts negativity. Sometimes you’ll end up not knowing yourself anymore. But when you think about it from a different perspective, perhaps it’s useful in helping you see things in a bigger picture. According to clinical psychologist,Susan Heitler Ph.D., “Better to end a marriage than to continue a marriage with these hurtful habits.” The sad moment in your life will give you a chance to develop your sense of purpose and maturity so that you’ll be able to understand that you need to grow and make valuable decisions that can change your life forever.
There’s no ignoring the fact that some marriages need to end due to severe complications and arguments. It may sound devastating, and the process may take a while, but there’s always a basis why you should consider it an option. As whatSuzanne Degges-White Ph.D. said, “If you have reached the point at which you truly believe that there is little hope that a fractured friendship or ruptured romance can be repaired, it is important to maintain your resolve and terminate the relationship for good.” When your marriage is no longer contributing to your overall development, then that’s the time that you have to set your priorities straight. So how can you figure out when your marriage needs to end? Here are some of the few signs.
You Don’t Need Him – There’s a big difference when you want to be alone compared to the “you don’t need him” moments. If you fancy being on your
own rather than spending time with your spouse, then you should first determine the reason why you suddenly lose that interest in your significant other. It will either mean that you no longer require their company and you need to change your priorities that will no longer make him a part of it.
His Touch Becomes Uncomfortable – When you are in a relationship, there’s no greater feeling than to have your partner caresses you. However, when those moments make you feel uncomfortable, it probably means that you no longer have that physical connection you once had. There’s no romance anymore, and you become less passionate about having sex. In other words, the issues of your marital problems are proven to be successful in tripping you apart.
Hard Time Staying Faithful – When you and your partner start to think about not working your issues, we can assume that there’s a chance that one of you is committing infidelity. Though not all marital problems result in cheating, there is still a considerable probability that either you or your partner is having an affair. “Emotional affairs can even be more damaging than sexual ones,” saidChristine Hammond, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Therefore, it is most likely fair to state that unfaithfulness is a sign that one of you is no longer interested in reassuring your marriage.
Your Future Is Fading – When your relationship means a lot to you, you always secure a future with your partner. However, when you finally decide that your reality has something to do with one-sided benefits, then the marriage has begun to fail from there. Disregarding your spouse and focusing on your personal growth is not a sign of a healthy marriage. So before you end up having tons of complaints and hurting each other, better consider filing for divorce.
You Don’t Care Anymore – it is probably the most common sign that might tell you that you need a divorce. The things that upset you before don’t bother you anymore, and that’s because you are already emotionally detached from your spouse. You don’t get jealous, don’t feel pressured, not interested in what he does, don’t get hurt – just nothing at all.
Counseling Doesn’t Work – When you try to fix things between you and your spouse through counseling and find it hard to assess the issues even if there’s quite some help already, then it is time that you have to consider calling it quits. It is the stage where it determines that you probably showed immense effort in trying to solve the marital issues you have but unfortunately failed in the process. You might want to enumerate possible reasons why you can never stay as married couples to any further extent.
You probably experienced almost all of these signs. However, before you make any conclusions, ask yourself first if you should get a divorce because you don’t like to regret things by making a decision that will soon affect your future. Because as whatMichelle Farris, a licensed marriage and family therapist said, “Divorce is one of the most stressful events anyone can ever experience.”
The holistic approach to health views physical health in conjunction with your emotional, psychological, and mental state. It plays a role in your mindset, beliefs, feelings, and behavior. Everything in your wellbeing is connected and affects one another. It also creates a connection with your entire lifestyle as well as your character as a person. Valerie Knopik, PhD – Director of Research for Yoga Medicine says, “When we practice mind-body techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and focused intention tasks, we influence brain activity in regions that are involved in reducing psychological stress and increasing the parasympathetic response. This can, over time and with practice, ease anxiety and increase mood.”
From the name and term itself, energy therapy defines a set of techniques that use “energy” to treat and remedy sickness or impending illness. When one says energy, the thing that comes to mind is a non-physical thing, a metaphysical concept, that cannot be takenas a medicine. Continue reading “The Basics Of Energy Therapy And Its Techniques”
Does it bother you that drugs and medical treatments may not be sufficient to help you get rid of your current or future ailments?
A lot of people have this worry at the back of their minds. Some pills don’t possess a seal of approval from government authorities, while others show adverse effects after days or years of taking them. Though the manufacturers’ honesty about their clinical assessment is commendable, knowing these things aren’t too calming for many.
Since it may genuinely take decades for scientists to perfect – if they ever can – the essential drugs, patients tend to look into holistic practices as alternative or complementary healing methods. Should you want to try one as well, you may choose from these ten treatments:
Traditional Chinese Medicine
“One of the approaches to consider to counteract nutrition trauma is to restore the use of traditional, authentic whole foods that have been used for hundreds and even thousands of years by your ancestors”, citedLeslie E. Korn Ph.D., MPH, LMHC, ACS, NTP. It is a centuries-old approach from China that combines drinking herbal concoctions with mental and physical training to improve a person’s well-being. TCM is already a success in other countries, and many prefer it over Western medicine.
It is a form of massage therapy that targets the pressure points throughout the body. Other than relaxation, some go to a reflexologist to somewhat improve their asthma, diabetes, sleep, and various health issues.
The homeopathic approach follows the Law of Similars. The practitioner finds out the origin of the illness, and then formulates a medicine from plants that produce parallel indications to a healthy fellow.
In case you suffer from chronic pain, this Chinese healing method may also be suitable for your well-being. Needles will become strategically inserted into the skin for some time.
Acupressure is more comparable to acupuncture when it comes to the treatment points. The only difference is that the expert applies force on the problem areas with their feet, elbows, or fingers.
This practice focuses on the spine to physically correct any misalignment that may prevent folks from functioning well. It can be a shocking experience for first-timers since the professional will crack your back the same way some do with your fingers, yet it’s a safe technique.
From the term itself, you can deduce that a practitioner will use water to treat someone. A session can include wrapping, douching, or applying mud on the face or the rest of the body to reduce skin inflammation and relax the person. “Water continues to be a healer, perhaps one we should consider more carefully,” suggests psychologistMatthew Smith, Ph.D.
The belief surrounding this holistic approach is that the body can heal when you unblock the individual’s life force. To do that, the practitioner needs to be near the patient to ideally transfer their energy to the ailing body part and speed up the healing process.
Of course, we can’t speak of alternative health options without throwing Ayurveda into the mix. “Ayurveda recognizes spirituality as a universal dimension of human experience,” according toFrank J. Ninivaggi M.D., F.A.P.A. While it began in India over 3000 years ago, it remains helpful to so many individuals across the globe. The procedure touches base with the natural elements and aims to change the patient’s lifestyle choices for the better.
There are other holistic practices out there, but the ones you read above are the most common treatments that people try. Just keep in mind that they can only complement modern medicine. It is unwise to entirely rely on the former, especially if you are pregnant or have a long-term disease.
Don’t forget to talk to both the health professional and the fringe practitioner about the new method of healing you wish to get to ensure that it won’t aggravate your condition. Good luck!
Don’t worry, it comes as no surprise to us if you or some people you know still view having a life coach as an unnecessary luxury. Yes, while getting a life coach does incur extra costs that weren’t previously known to you before, there are numerous physical, emotional and spiritual benefits that you just can’t put a price tag on. According toNorman Munro, a registered psychotherapist, “Commonly, life coaches will want you to examine several critical life areas, such as health, work and career, relationships, spirituality, and financial status, and evaluate how you feel about them.”
Does having a life coach work for everybody? It all depends, and that is what we are here to talk about with you today.
Misconceptions About Life Coaching
First, let’s clear up any idea you might have about life coaching. Proctor Gallagher Institute sums it up into five of the most common myths about life coaching. First, although certain institutions offer certification courses, not all life coaches are professionals.
The practice is not formally regulated, unlike medical doctors or engineers, so in a sense, anyone can be a life coach. The key is to get to know the person’s credentials and persona well before engaging in any arrangement.
Second, just because someone has a life coach, doesn’t mean they are problematic people or aren’t capable of moving this forward for themselves. The proof is that some of the most excellent and successful people we know today sought a life coach for some different reasons, but what we know for sure is that the quality of their lives still had room for improvement, as does everyone.
Third, it’s a waste of time that you could be spending on other things. We’ll tell you upfront that the frequency of you meeting a life coach is dependent on your situation and upon the advice of your life coach. Meetings can happen anywhere from once a week to once a month, and doesn’t even need to be in person!
Fourth, and probably the most common misconception, is that life coaches are primarily the ones to instruct you on how to run your life. If you think that life coaches will decide for you or dictate your actions, then you are very wrong. What they will do, however, is influence you into making better decisions for yourself and a lot to do with behavior. They will tap into your good behaviors and help you let go of the bad ones.
Lastly, and the one that needs the least debunking, is that you need to be rich to have a life coach. Yes, having a life coach is an extra expense that you may or may not afford, but what we can assure you is that having a life coach has a very high return on investment.
Do I Even Need A Life Coach?
Now, we get to the most critical question we ask. Do I need a life coach? Moreover, will have a life coach be good for you? The simple answer is yes, everyone could use a life coach because some of the most evident signs are very general, everyday encounters. According toRachel Lee Glass, a practicing psychotherapist and life coach, “Life coaching has a legitimate place in the mental health field.” We will sum it up into three main points for you to get a grasp of why people hire life coaches.
The first sign is that you feel the weight of the decisions you need to make. It can either mean you’re in a position of power where the choices you make affect some people around you. Alternatively, you have anxiety when it comes to making decisions. Here is where a life coach can best help you.
Second, you have this longing to improve or exceed your current state in life. If it means you’re feeling down in the dirt, a life coach could help understand and evaluate your status and help you figure out a way to get back up again. It also means you feel you need a companion whose purpose is to figure things out with you.
Third, and the most relatable, it could be that there are many feelings you have that you just can’t explain. A life coach will tell you that it is entirely okay not really to know what you’re feeling.
What If I Cannot Afford a Life Coach?
Not to worry! Self-improvement doesn’t need to cost much. If you can’t afford a life coach but have the same drive to want that balance and control in your life, then you can be guided similarly. Lookup lists of recommended books by life coaches or some written by them too! They offer great advice in writing as they do in person as well!
Life coachGina Pickersgill from London, UK, explains her approach: “I try to get the person to realize where they want to go, and then to come up with their own solutions to get there. I challenge clients to accept that they have choices and can change. I try to help them get clarity about what they want, then I make them commit to specific goals and an action plan.”
Read up on stories about people who have benefitted from life coaching and take some of the lessons they’ve learned, and apply it to your life! You’d be surprised at where your determination can take you.